Cinahilger's Blog

Theologically Unsound

I’m not very good at this whole “Christianity” thing.

I mean..I have a hard time putting into words my attachment to God. But it lies in the harsh flawlessness of nature, in the spark of beauty you sometimes see between two people who love each other. That feeling you get, you know? I love the idea that we weren’t made to do this, to toil under the sun and hurt one another.

Like children born into slavery we’ve always known this life, but it’s in the little glimpses of heaven, stories or visions that inspire us, that we find continuing evidence that there’s more to life than this. God didn’t give us eyes so that we could see a spreadsheet, nor fingers that we could type a report. These are just the things we have to do to survive in a broken world.

But what does this have to do with God, the one in the bible?

I don’t know, really; I’m still trying to work it all out.

I think, though, that God in the bible is having to make himself visible to us slaves. The God of the bible’s helping us to understand how to know him in the midst of this terrible thing the world has become. He’s practical, seeing the need of his people and reaching out to them.

Because you can’t worship the thrill you get at seeing light filter down through the trees. You can’t worship inspiration. If you do, you’re a hippie. And hippies, while entertaining, aren’t necessarily the most useful. They offer no real practical methods for change because they are attached to a vision of the world that can never happen.

I feel like the things our souls respond to- a movie, a story, a piece of art, a person, a place- these are glimpses of the world we were supposed to have, like stars shining through the pinholes pierced in the night sky.

The God of the bible is the same one who created this beauty, and who created our souls to respond to it. But things got all messed up, and now we find ourselves hating one another and withdrawing into ourselves; forming societies that revolve around money and power and every-man-for-himself, and pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps.

So should we all join communes and reject this entire idea? No, that’s the hippie thing again. I’ve fit in pretty well to this society of school and jobs and gas prices, and I think you probably have, too. But I still feel it sometimes, when I see small kingdoms of thunderheads racing over the plains, that these feelings are far more important than we allow them to be.

So God is reaching out to us now in the midst of all this, and he’s trying to get us out of this mess. It involves more than just recognizing what’s beautiful. It’s hard work to leave slavery, to break free of an addiction. You have to give up a lot of things that you’ve become used to. That’s why we’ve got a written record of the story of God, and that’s why we have to be real with those around us. If it were easy things wouldn’t have come this far.

I’m so tired of just playing the role of the Christian. If my friends are hurting and they need assurance, I don’t want to tell them, “Cheer up, Jesus loves you! Here’s a bible verse.” Hollow words won’t help anyone. I want to be real with people. Christianity isn’t a slogan and it isn’t a bible verse. If I’m going to help anyone, I’ve got to pinpoint the beautiful hopeful parts of this Christianity thing.

Hey, you weren’t made to suffer! Hey, all those feelings of love and inspiration are what you were made for! Hey, there’s someone who wants to get you out of this mess! It’s hard, it means denying yourself every day, but it results in bursting through the night sky into the land of starlight.

That’s worth rejoicing over.

I’m sure none of this makes sense to anyone but me, but it makes more sense to me now than it did before I started writing, so I will consider it time well spent.


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  1. it makes a lot of sense, thanks. i wish i could write like you. i feel like my thoughts get so scrambled in my head and don’t come out right but you paint a picture. thanks again!

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago
    • * cinahil says:

      I’m glad someone can figure out what I’m trying to say; I sure don’t half the time :))

      | Reply Posted 6 years, 2 months ago

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