Cinahilger's Blog


When I feel the judgement of another human being cast upon me, it throws me into retrospection and I retreat into my own self-image.

I am, to the world, an extremely happy and carefree person. And I will admit to a curiously strong love of cerain things in life. Lying in the grass, climbing trees, playing in the rain, reading funny stories, sad stories, true stories, fake stories. It’s not that I’m unhappy, because I know that I am blessed with so so much, from the sunshine and the winds of summer to the absolute quiet of a snowy winter night. However if there is one thing in my life which I do not find value in, it is in myself.

I remember when I was taking the train to California last summer-one year ago Sunday-and I woke before dawn and dragged my blanket and a cup of coffee into the empty observation car, completely composed of windows. As I sat and drank my coffee and read my bible, the sun came up over the Nevada desert and the white-topped mountains rising up out of it. It was so beautiful that I snapped off about a dozen pictures right there in my seat. And as I read my bible while travelling through the splendor, I came to the passage in Matthew.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26)

God created all of the amazing beauty of this world, and yet of all the things He created, he loves ME the most. Of all the things in that beautiful desert that morning on the train, I was the thing that God looked at and said “and here is my best work.”

You know, I don’t think we spend nearly enough time under the realization of how valuable we are to God. I know I certainly don’t. If anything is my downfall, it is the constant plague of the belief that I am worthless, and the things that this belief drives me to do. My mission is to remember daily that who I am isn’t who I am to the world.

“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.”
-Brennan Manning


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